Monday, 20 February 2012

Mixed Emotions

I'm sitting in my studio hiding away from my everyday craziness. On one hand I'm amazingly excited to be leaving tomorrow for my first block course. On the other hand I'm sad not to be seeing my daughter off for her own first year at University. Then I realize I'm hiding away from my family's constant need for me to be just as efficient and wise as normal (I'm really not normal at all!) Everything in their lives is changing and here I am wanting to rebel. I don't want to feel guilt for saying "it's my time kids, give me a break!" My head space can't take much more...I'm writing lists for them and for myself and I wonder, will they help me get organized? I think not! I do love them more than anything, but there comes a time in everyone's parental existence to say.....sort your own life out, organize yourself, you are a young adult now! I say and I think..."make plans, you have a wonderful full future ahead and this experience will create a confidence you will always have." Subconsciously that bit was directed at me. So no more procrastination. No more being scared of the unknown. Just feel the fear and do it and practice what you preach! Phew!

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